I’ve watched Home Alone every December since middle school. This cinematic ritual has become tradition, and no holiday season is complete without reciting the “keep the change, you filthy animal” monologue at least once. Even though the idea of a family flying to France without one of their children still baffles me, the movie itself never gets old.
Just to be clear, this is the FIRST Home Alone movie that I’m talking about here. I haven’t actually seen any of the others and I don’t feel the need to. Chris Columbus’ 1990 masterpiece stands just fine on its own. In fact, I would argue that Home Alone is the best Christmas movie of all time, and here are 12 reasons why.
1. Sweet, sweet nostalgia
On the first day of Christmas, the McCallisters gave to me… ten years of feel-good holiday fun. Something about Home Alone’s portrayal of Midwestern Americana manages to capture a sentimental, idealized Christmas that appeals to all audiences. Nostalgia aside, however, I also notice something new every time I watch this movie. This year, I realized that during the pizza and drink-spilling brawl scene, Mr. McCallister accidentally throws away Kevin’s ticket and passport. That detail goes a long way toward making Kevin’s abandonment logistically plausible.
2. Kevin McCallister (A.k.a. child MacGyver)
I don’t really know what happened to Macaulay Culkin after his performance in the Home Alone movies, but I do think it’s safe to say this is his best performance. Overall, he manages to portray a perfectly lovable, hilarious child who is simultaneously devious and terrifyingly intelligent. Kevin’s aftershave-induced screaming is absolutely iconic, and his mini adult shopping expedition is straight-up adorable. Audiences desperately want Kevin to be safe, but also revel in the fact that he doesn’t need (much) protecting when left to his own devices. Personally, the bandits stalking Kevin in their van always gets a visceral reaction out of me, but my favorite part of the movie is when Kevin puts them through the ringer.
3. The worst, creepiest uncle on the planet
Uncle Frank is such a horrific person it’s almost fascinating. He starts off the movie by refusing to pay for the household’s pizza, then proceeds to call Kevin a “little jerk” in front of the entire family, goads his wife into stealing silverware on the airplane, and tries to make Mrs. McCallister feel better about leaving Kevin behind by telling her he forgot his reading glasses. In my book, the man rates slightly below Joffrey Baratheon on the despicability scale.
4. Harry and Marv
Pesci and Stern play goofy, overwhelmingly incompetent villains who have to be immortal with all the debilitating injuries they sustain. With their plumbing truck, crowbars, and refusal to enter a church, Harry and Marv present a delightful burglar’s caricature that’s oh so fun to root against. Especially when their frustration with Kevin leads them to graduate from robbery to aggravated assault at the end of the movie.
5. One traumatized pizza man
The poor guy’s just trying to do his job. Nobody deserves having to wait for hours in somebody’s front hall or diving over trash cans to shelter from a gunfight in the process. But you have to admit it creates priceless comedy.
6. The “South Bend Shovel Slayer,” the polka band caravan, and other colorful characters
Home Alone’s secondary cast is really what gives the film its distinctive flavor. Whether it’s the reappearing shadowy serial killer who ends up saving the day, Mrs. McCallister’s polka-playing entourage who provides her with transportation home, or even the mall Santa who receives Kevin’s wish for his family back, this movie overflows with memorable personalities.
7. Kevin’s homemade, semi-lethal obstacle course
Irons. Paint cans. Hidden nails, blow torches, and tarantulas. I only have one word to describe Kevin’s mélange of booby traps: awesome.
8. Sheer quotability
Home Alone is really just one iconic scene after another. As a result, it has some of the most memorable one-liners of any Christmas movie out there. Some prime examples include:
- “You’re what the French call, ‘les incompétents’”
- “I made my family disappear.”
- “Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.”
- “This is my house. I have to defend it.”
- “You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more?”
- And of course, “Keep the change, ya filthy animal.”
9. Probably the best Christmas soundtrack of all time
If you’ve read anything else on this blog, you really shouldn’t be surprised that I want to talk about this. John Williams is always spectacular, but his Home Alone score makes the lead-up to Kevin’s home defense scheme truly special. This movie wouldn’t be the same without its musical accompaniment.
10. That feel-good ending
Kevin’s family is kind of the worst, but what are the holidays for if not for finding the best in the people close to you? At the end of the movie, we get to watch the Wet Bandits get what they deserve, Old Man Marley reconcile with his son, and the McCallisters celebrate Christmas as a complete family after all. What more can you ask for?
11. Its enduring relatability for people of all ages
This movie holds up across all age brackets. Home Alone appeals to young audiences through its portrayal of sibling relationships and a sizeable dose of wish fulfillment. After all, Kevin manages to outsmart several fully-grown adults. And what kid doesn’t dream of jumping on all the beds, eating tubs of ice cream, and watching trashy movies?
For adults, Home Alone offers another dimension of both humor and meaning. Mrs. McCallister’s bureaucratic nightmare of a phone call to her local police department, for instance, makes me laugh now for different reasons than when I was younger. The movie also encourages mature self-reflection, particularly in relation to family relationships, parenting, and the true meaning of the holidays.
12. Angels with Filthy Souls
I just learned on probably my 14th or 15th viewing of Home Alone that Angels with Filthy Souls isn’t actually a real movie. They shot it specifically for Kevin McCallister’s viewing pleasure. If the film within a film idea is too meta for you, then I’ll leave you with this iconic quote:
“I’m gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10!”
Merry Christmas! 🙂